I have had this LJ account for over a year, and as you can tell by the fact that this journal is empty, *I* do not write.
However, the other night an SG-15 plot bunny followed me home. I offered it up to some of my friends, knowing that they can write while I can barely get a grocery list on paper. Let me put it this way...in High-School, my English teachers would give the class a creative writing assigment. They gave me a thesis topic. THOSE I can do.
So, after having none of my buddies offer to adopt it (sticking out tongue...you know who you are), I decided to give it a go. It humped my leg till I was done. Sheesh. No rest for the untalented.
Since I have NO EARTHLY idea how to link it with another page, I will put it below. If anyone can tell me how to do this (slowly, with big words, please), I would appreciate it. Please comment; I am human and I need validation (and not for parking, please).
At any rate, here it is...
SG-15 Gets Their Rocks Off-WorldCategory: Stargate SG-15
AUCharacters: Dixon, McKay, Martouf, Sheppard, Weir, Beckett, Zalenka, and a few aliens
Rating: R
Warnings: Language, Suggestion of Slash/Slash innuendo
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I am just playing with them. I promise to put them back, intact, when I am done. You can thank Danvers for the team creation.
Acknowledgements: I want to thank Mabinogi for his suggestions, Belle and Eri, and the BEST Beta in all the land:
Delphia2000. YOU ROCK! Without her, this would not have been finished (hoping this is a GOOD thing!)
______________________________
"Dammit John!" Dr. Rodney McKay exclaimed as he emerged through the Stargate on P03-K64 only to run right into the back of Major Sheppard and his very large pack.
Then he noticed Col. Dixon, Martouf, and Maj. Sheppard all had their hands up. Hesitantly, he looked around the back and pack of the man in front of him and noticed half a dozen slender aliens with thick heavy faces aiming what appeared to be 1/3 size Staff weapons at them. His hands shot up immediately.
"I thought you said the MALP transmission was clear," Sheppard said from the corner of his mouth
"It was, Major," whispered a slightly confused Martouf.
"Well, what good is having the damned thing go in first if it ain't gonna give us a heads up for something like this?" Dixon grumbled. Then he cocked his head sideways, slowly lowered his hands and began to crouch.
Of course Rodney was the first to panic. "What are you trying to do? Get us all killed?" he whispered quite loudly.
"Woman, shut your trap...I gotta plan."
The other 3 groaned in unison and looked down at Dixon’s boots for any sign of C-4, grenades, or some other hidden weapon. They were surprised when he picked up a rock.
"Sir..." started Sheppard, but before he had a chance to finish his question, Dixon pitched the rock at one of the aliens.
Rodney gasped in shock and fear.
It passed right through. Fairly quickly the image re-stabilized. The rest of SG-15 just stared, first at the holographic aliens and then at their CO.
"God, I love being right!" Dixon exclaimed, and began fishing through his pocket for a cigar.
"If I may suggest, Sir," began Martouf, "those may only be a means of deterring us long enough for the real beings to arrive. I am fairly certain that it would be in our best interest to either find cover or redial the gate."
Rodney, ever juggling his equipment, chimed in, "Colonel, I have some very unusual energy readings. They seem to be coming from the rocks covering and surrounding the gate platform."
"Well, we are here to check things out, and we ain't leaving till we find something or are running for our lives, so grab some and let’s get a move on. I see good cover about 300 meters to the North", Dixon ordered
Rodney grumbled as he fumbled with the field compass, "I will never understand how he can just TELL which way is North. It’s not like we are on Earth and can tell by the direction of the sun,” just as they indeed headed North, toward the tree cover.
"Harumph,” he said grumpily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
While Martouf and Dr. McKay took measurements and readings on the handful of small rocks Rodney picked up, Major Sheppard hunkered down next to Dixon, who had his gun at the ready, vigilantly watching the Gate platform.
"Sir, I was wondering...How did you know that those beings weren't real?" he asked.
"I dunno. Gut instinct. Experience. Superior Senses," he smirked finally.
John looked at him speculatively.
"Naww...I saw...I dunno, a flicker. Ya know? Something just didn't look right. And they didn't move. Not a muscle twitch. The whole thing just looked hinky"
"Hinky, Sir?" It was John's turn to smirk.
"Yeah. Ruttin' hinky. You gotta problem with that MAJOR?" Dixon growled.
"Uh, no Sir. Just wondering if that was an actual word or something you made up.”
"It’s an actual word. I think. Abbey says it all the time."
"Abbey, Sir?" John thought maybe he was going to get an insight into the Colonel’s private life; maybe the scoop on a new fling. Then he thought about how Martouf would react.
"Yeah. Genius-Goth-Chick on NCIS. Love that show," Dixon replied.
"Oh". John was slightly disappointed, then amused and finally relieved that he didn't have info that might upset Martouf. Unrequited love. God it sucks, he thought to himself, stealing a quick look at Rodney, grateful that wasn't his situation.
"Gettin' anything ladies?" asked Dixon.
"Yes, a headache from listening to you already," complained Rodney.
Martouf looked mildly disapproving at McKay's flip answer before addressing Dixon, "Still checking some things, Sir, but it appears that these rocks hold a small amount of an energy charge. I have never encountered the like before."
"Yeah? What does the snake say?"
"Lantash is in agreement, Sir. Very unusual indeed. They do not appear to be made of any element we have recorded."
"Excellent,” said Rodney, eyes lighting up, obviously looking forward to having some part in classifying, categorizing, and probably naming it after himself.
"Ok...well, I think this qualifies as ‘something’ so let’s head back to the gate. Grab as much as you can carry boys and girls," ordered Dixon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stepping from the gate, the team immediately noticed something wrong. REALLY WRONG. On the outside, everything appeared normal. However, when Major Sheppard spoke, what came out of his mouth SOUNDED like Sheppard...it just didn't SOUND like something John would say.
"It would appear that while traveling back through the gate, something unusual has happened to our corporeal forms."
Martouf turned to him and said sarcastically, "Ya think?"
Dixon began immediately probing himself with his hands. Upon feeling the grenades in his pants, he exclaimed, "Oh my God, we are dead. We did not emerge in Atlantis. I am in hell. That is the only explanation."
What came out of Rodney's mouth was even more bizarre..."Woman, if you don't quit bitchin’, I swear, next mission we go on, I will find a way to "accidentally" blow you up.”
Needless to say, they were all herded to the infirmary without further ado.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I did Cat Scans, MRI's, Xrays, blood tests, you bloody name it, and yet I canna' find what's wrong with any of ya. Apart from the fact that you are in the wrong bodies,” explained Beckett.
Weir, looking very concerned asked, "Do you think that this could pose any potential problem? Do we have anything to fear, while we figure out a way to reverse the effects?"
Dixon immediately piped up with "Yes...I am in danger of killing myself. We have to figure out who or what did this. I refuse to live out the rest of my life in this hulking lump of a body...and why does my crotch itch? Do you have crabs? Oh god, tell me you do not have crabs."
Weir gave Beckett that "Do SOMEthing" look and made a hasty exit before she heard any more she really didn't want to know.
"I do not have crabs," Rodney growled back. "I just forgot to shave around the ruttin' tattoo for a couple of days. Tends to itch when it grows in."
John laughed to himself; then, concerned by Major Sheppard's pale face, asked, "Are you well, Major?”
Martouf responded with a not-very confident "fine, Marty" then sank to the floor.
No one mentioned how amusing it was to see Dixon in Rodney's body trying to lift him back on the exam table. Dixon lent a hand. "Good to know this body is good for something.”
"I believe that Lantash may not be accepting this transfer very well. He can probably sense that it is not my consciousness that is joined with his, and he is rebelling as if it were a foreign invader, a virus perhaps." Sheppard said.
Dixon responded with an aggrieved sigh, and Rodney exclaimed, "Fuck."
“Indeed, Colonel. This could be very dangerous for Major Sheppard’s mind, my body and eventually Lantash,” Sheppard informed them.
“You have to do something,” whined Dixon to Beckett.
“Yeah, in all those damned ancient machines, there ain’t nothing that could help us?” demanded Rodney.
“I am a bloody doctor, not a bloody magician. I don’t have a magic wand to just wave over you and bloody well fix this!” exclaimed Beckett, the frustration showing in his voice.
Rodney turned to Dixon, “Hey, you’re a friend of Dorothy, how ‘bout clickin’ them heels together and wishing us back to normal.”
“Ha-ha, Colonel,” remarked Dixon snidely.
From behind them, a quiet voice interrupted, "I have been going over your data Dr. McKay, and I am not getting any readings at all from these samples you retrieved.” Dr. Zalenka handed Rodney the PDA; Rodney looked at it stupidly and quickly handed it to Dixon.
"I don't understand. Martouf and I were getting very distinct readings. This was not ambient energy, not present when I scanned the trees or surrounding underbrush." Dixon turned to the prone Martouf, realized his mistake and turned instead to Major Sheppard.
"We were not able classify the element it was composed of, were we?" Dixon asked.
John replied, "No, Drs., we were not. Is it possible that whatever this rock is made of, combined with the energy charge present in them caused our predicament when we exited the gate?"
The others looked horrified. Rodney burst out with "I gotta hit the head" and looked to Beckett who said, "Only the lavatory. No roamin’ about ‘til we get more of an idea of what we are dealing with."
Rodney hopped down and swaggered out. Martouf could not help but watch, fascinated, especially since he was helpless on the exam table.
"I wish that I were able to consult with Lantash. This is most distressing, not having his mind in contact with mine," Sheppard said. He turned to Martouf, "Major, are you able to connect at all with Lantash? Perhaps he has information that will assist us in remedying this situation."
Weakly, Martouf responded, "I don't even begin to understand how I am supposed to do that."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
After a detailed lesson on teaching John to communicate with Lantash, it was clear…Lantash was rejecting John’s mind and would not be of any help in this situation. For some reason, the blending was not complete.
“I am sorry” Martouf said to John, “Lantash just ain’t responding to me.”
Dixon soothed Martouf's hair as he collapsed back onto the table. “Beckett, you have to do something.”
“WE have to do something,” Rodney boomed from the corner of the room where he was holding up the wall, “What about going back to P03-K64? Maybe if we took those rocks back through the gate again, it would fix us.”
Dixon agreed. “That should work. It’s also possible that the real aliens there might be of help.”
“If there even are any,” responded Sheppard. “Colonel, I saw no signs of recent activity in the vicinity. Lantash thought that it might have once been an outpost; that it had been abandoned, or culled to extinction by the Wraith.”
Dixon, releasing Martouf’s hand proclaimed, “That may be so, but for John’s sake, we have to try.”
Beckett said a silent word of relief and hoped that Weir would agree it was the best course of action.
“Alright ladies, let’s tell Dr. Weir what we intend to do and head out. I got a date with my body later, and I do not intend to miss it.”
Hearing that come out of Rodney was quick impetus for the rest of the team to gather the weakened Martouf and the gear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
“Dammit Joh, er, Martouf”, exclaimed Dixon, as he ran into John’s back, again. “I am going to have to start going before you guys.” This time however, Rodney, in Dixon's body, was tall enough to see over the head of the person in front of him. Ah, the aliens again.
“Are we standing here for any particular reason, or are we waiting for an invitation from the holograms?” he asked snidely.
Rodney lowered one hand down to his lips in the “ssshhh” signal.
“Lower your weapons and do not move!” yelled one of the aliens. This time, it appeared the aliens were waiting for them.
SG-15 did as they were told, and 2 of them came to retrieve what was discarded. Considering their larger bone structure, it was quite a surprise that they moved so gracefully. Drab, earth-toned tribal-like garments actually had threads of what appeared to be gold and copper woven throughout, giving them the appearance of shimmer.
“We are peaceful travelers…” began Dixon.
Rodney snorted, “You sure you didn’t get some of Dr. Jackson as well?”
Dixon glared and continued, “We do not mean you any harm. Please, if you would allow us, all we need to do is take some of these rocks back with us through the Stargate. We have a medical emergency.”
“You can say that again,” Rodney proclaimed. “Too much room in these pants for a good surprise plan.”
John unhooked Martouf’s arm from around his neck and he slumped to the ground. “This man is critically ill. If we do not rectify the situation that is causing him harm, he will most likely die. And since that is my body, I would very much like for him to remain alive.”
The aliens looked at each other, surprise apparent on their faces. The one with the largest head covering, most likely the leader, motioned with his weapon and said, “My name is Ragnar. Follow me, all of you.”
John picked up Martouf’s body, making a mental note to refuse dessert next time around, and he and the rest of SG-15 fell in line behind Ragnar, with the rest of the alien contingent pulling up the rear.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
The group did not walk for too far and yet Rodney and Dixon each took turns helping carry Martouf’s body. No one mentioned their fear for John.
Ragnar stopped in the middle of a clearing, took a small device from the pack on his hip, and waved it in front of him…
“Wax on, wax off.” The aliens and the rest of the team turned to look at Rodney. “What? Just tryin’ to lighten’ the situation,” he said sheepishly.
Ragnar raised his hand again, this time waving it in the other direction. Rodney smirked, stifling a laugh and suddenly a beautiful city shimmered into appearance before them. It had definite signs of having been influenced by the Ancients. Even better, it looked much more advanced than the clothing of the aliens. They followed Ragnar into one of the buildings and were pleasantly surprised to see a facility with obviously advanced scientific equipment. Subterfuge on many layers.
Ragnar approached an alien who looked to be quite a bit older than the others, and spoke with him in a hushed whisper. Rodney craned his neck trying to listen but was unable to hear anything.
The other alien approached and introduced himself, “Welcome to Nonnshi. My name is Gorren. Ragnar tells me that you have need of assistance. Please state the nature of your medical emergency?”
Letting that comment fly by, Dixon stepped forward and spoke first, “We came here through the Stargate, and when we were here the first time, we retrieved some of the rocks that were abundant around and on the gate platform. After we returned to Atlantis…”
Gasps and looks of awe passed between the Nonnshi.
Gorren touched Dixon’s sleeve reverently and said, “I apologize. Please continue, Ancient one.”
“Yes, as I was saying…we returned to Atlantis and upon emerging from the wormhole, we discovered that our, our minds, our consciousnesses had switched.”
“Switched?”
“Yes, switched. We were not ourselves. For instance,” Dixon pointed at Rodney “THAT is the body that this mind,” he pointed to his head, “belongs in. And I would like it back. Oh, and by the way, I am not an Ancient one. Well, I may appear to be one in this body; he is several years old than I am.”
Another alien, one who appeared to be female, stepped forward and spoke. “All of you have experienced this, swapping of minds?” she asked.
Rodney stepped closer to the female, “Yeah. Is there anythin’ that you can do—,”
“Annila,” she filled in.
“Is there anything you can do to help us, Annila?” he asked. Pointing to Martouf he continued, “He is going to die if we do not swap back.”
As Rodney continued to speak with Annila, Dixon, Sheppard, Ragnar and Gorren lifted Martouf onto what appeared to be an exam table. Dixon looked over his shoulder at Rodney, wondering just what he was saying to her, and muttered “Intergalactic Ho” under his breath. He then began to explain the nature of the symbiote in Martouf’s body and how it was going to destroy John’s mind.
Sheppard spoke next. “Lantash is not used to being out of touch with my mind. We have been blended for quite some time. Dr. McKay and I thought that perhaps going back through the gate with a small supply of the rocks we found might reverse the effects, return us to normal.”
“This is quite an unusual occurrence,” Gorren said. “Would you mind if one of us follows you through the…star…gate? To see if you are successful?”
“I will have to check with my colleagues once we dial the gate, but I don’t think that it will be a problem,” said Dixon.
“Wait,” Sheppard placed his hand on Dixon’s wrist. “What if they are also subjected to having their minds exchanged with ours. This could further complicate the matter. And weaken John’s mind and my body even further.”
Ragnar spoke softly, “We do not wish to endanger any of you. Please, let us gather some of these rocks and return you to the city of the Ancients. If you are not successful, return here and we will do what we can to help.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
“Well, SHIT!” exclaimed Rodney as they emerged in Atlantis. “That didn’t work.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Back on Nonnshi, Martouf was placed on the exam table once again with Gorren monitoring his condition. Ragnar led John and Dixon to what appeared to be the Library of Nebuchadnezzar. Dixon exclaimed, “This is incredible! I have never seen so many ancient books in one repository.”
John was impressed as well. “I am sure the Tok’ra would love to access these. We have an undeniable thirst for knowledge, as well as the desire to see the end of the Goa’uld.”
Ragnar pulled several tomes from the shelves and handed them to Dixon and John. “You can read the Ancient language, yes?” he asked.
Both replied “Yes,” in unison.
“Good,” he replied. “These are a start.”
Dixon began reading one; then he looked up. “Where is the Colonel?” he asked.
“Annila is taking him on a tour of the city,” Ragnar replied.
Dixon and John exchanged wary glances, and continued with the research.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
“We found it!” Exclaimed Dixon carrying one of the larger books, as he hurried over to the exam table where Martouf’s body lay. He leaned in and whispered, “I promise, John. I will fix this!” All Martouf could manage was a weak smile.
Rodney, leaning languidly against another table, rolled his eyes asked “Is it gonna work this time?”
Dixon looked at him with a confounded expression. “What part of ‘We found it’ requires translating? ‘We’ as in Martouf, Ragnar and I; ‘found’ as in discov-”
“Well, Dr. Smarty Pants, it may have been my idea but YOU were fairly certain that going back through the gate with the rocks again would fix us. So, I repeat ‘Is it gonna work THIS TIME?’”
“Yes,” he snapped, “It will; and I will be grateful to have my own body back. You itch! And I think you may be the lost link between Apes and Humans…all this damned hair,” he continued, quite testily.
“Women like it. Never thought I’d hear you’d complain.”
Dixon suppressed a particularly nasty retort, and assisted the approaching Ragnar and John with the ancient device they were maneuvering into the medical facility. Gorren began connecting electrodes to the prone, very pale, and now unconscious Martouf. He motioned for John to come closer and attatched electrodes to him as well.
“Wait,” Rodney exclaimed, grabbing Dixon’s arm. “Don’t you think that we should go first, Dr.?”
“I know you are anxious to be back in your own body for whatever disgusting plans you have for later...” Dixon began snidely.
“STOP!” Rodney yelled. “He’s weak. If it doesn’t work, I am just worried that he won’t make it through,” the concern evident in his voice. “I don’t care if we are stuck like this forever, I just don’t want my 2IC to die; and I don’t think Marty wants anything to happen to Lantash.”
Chastised, Dixon responded, “It, it doesn’t matter.” He then pointed to Martouf’s body. “John and Lantash are going to die no matter what if we don’t try. Might as well give the Nonnshi the benefit of the doubt and trust their technology.”
Rodney nodded; Gorren and Ragnar continued prepping John and Martouf. Then, Gorren touched a few crystals on the face of the machine. He waited a few seconds, and then he touched a few more. The room was alive with an eerie electrical charge, and a bright light flashed, temporarily blinding them all.
John blinked a few times, trying to focus his vision, then cracked that sideways smile. Dixon saw it and his heart flipped. It worked! He thought.
“I am slightly disoriented and weak. Lantash is angry and confused.” He also smiled slightly. “I do believe that we have been successful,” remarked Martouf as he struggled to sit up.
“YeeeeeeHaw!” exclaimed Rodney, as he ruffled Dixon’s hair.
“Colonel, do you mind?” Dixon complained.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
After the transfers were complete, the Nonnshi escorted SG-15 back to the Stargate.
“The machine uses these rocks as its power supply, as did much of our old technology. At one time, there were so few of them remaining that we were forced to discover an alternate energy source,” explained Ragnar.
Gorren continued, “It is our assumption that the Stargate acted in the same capacity as the machine, facilitating the exchange of consciousness. We are glad that we could be of service in reversing the effects. I do not believe that your blended comrade would have survived for much longer.”
“And we are grateful for the assistance,” Martouf said.
“Please, feel free to visit us again when all of you have recovered. Perhaps we can share information and technology,” Ragnar offered. “The energy shield that keeps the city invisible also cloaks our presence from the Wraith.”
“Quite a handy device,” remarked Dixon, “one that might provide us with a slight advantage if we could get one to hide Atlantis.”
“Might also protect the villagers and settlers on the mainland,” suggested Major Sheppard.
Ragnar gave them a sad smile and said, “I wish that we could help with that. Unfortunately, we do not know how the shield works. Actually, we are not able to even locate it in order to study it. We live in fear that one day, it will cease functioning and the Wraith will return.”
“Just let us know and we will do what we can to help. I am sure that Dr. Weir would welcome you and your people,” said Rodney, obviously very grateful.
“As we welcome you and yours, should you ever need it,” replied Ragnar.
“Ok woman, dial us home,” exclaimed Dixon. Rodney grunted.
“I’ve got a dancing lesson that I do not want to be late to,” explained Col. Dixon.
Major Sheppard side stepped up next to him. “Did you lose another bet, Sir?” he asked.
“Yep,” he replied. He did not sound upset at this, however.
“Please, no combat boots this time, Colonel,” remarked Martouf.
John laughed and Rodney proceeded to dial the gate back to Atlantis. Just as the wormhole stabilized, Annila ran to Rodney and gave him a quite long, passionate kiss. As she backed away to join the others she gave him an enigmatic smile, and giggled, a blush creeping up her face.
Rodney touched his lips, the confusion evident on his face. Martouf smirked, Dixon gaffawed, and John frowned.
“What the…” started Rodney. Then the realization sunk in. He turned to Dixon. “You didn’t!” he accused.
Dixon hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and swaggered into the wormhole wearing a pleased expression.
“Intergalactic Ho rides again,” said Rodney and they followed him through.
Click here to read "What Did They Expect", my second SG-15 story. This one is a multiparter.
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sg_15 (SG-1/SGA crossover AU)
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4 fics in 1 weekend? OMGWTF?
morganna wants more RBfics?
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